Married to a Pedophile: “How Does a Pedophile Get Caught?”

The interest on my last blog post skyrocketed to well over ten thousand readers!  Why?  Because it’s hard to think that such evil exists, yet the truth is that right now — today — many children are living in the hellish fear and torment of sexual abuse.  I am grateful to every one that reads this blog and shares this information with others.  We must continue to be a voice for our children! 

Many of you emailed me asking, “How do pedophiles get caught?”  In today’s post, I’m going to share with you more of my journey, and fill you in on how the man I was married to for almost forty years got caught.  Please remember as you read this that pedophiles are smart.  Very, very smart.  They target their victims.  They study them.  It could take a pedophile a year or more of light fondling before going on to the next step of rape.  Remember, also, that it’s not about sex.  Not at all.

The actions of pedophiles are about manipulation and total control. 

I’m not going to give lots of gory details about John because really there aren’t many to tell prior to knowing he was a pedophile.  Even when we separated, he remained kind to the children.  As my son Jimmy often says when beginning his presentations, “I wish I could stand before you and say my dad was horrible.  I wish I could tell  you that he was an alcoholic father who beat my mother.  I wish I could tell you he had a hot temper and was doing drugs.  Then, I’d have reason to believe his actions as a pedophile.  But, I can’t say those things.  My dad was my hero.  I modeled my life after him.  He is the reason I went into ministry.”

Pedophiles are smart.  They know what they are doing.  They know how to control their victims — children and adults.

How did John get caught?  What happened?  Did he wake up one morning after preaching from the word of God and think, “Today is the day.  Today is the day I’m coming clean before man and God.  Today is the day I seek help, repent, and stop raping children”?

No.  That’s not at all what happened.  Pedophiles don’t wake up one day with a guilty conscience.  I’m convinced that people who rape children have no conscience.  They cannot possibly have a conscience or they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves after knowingly, purposefully inflicting such pain on innocent children!

This is what happened. This is how John Hinton, pedophile, got caught.

One night I was in my office working on my computer doing grief work.  I run a child loss support group, and I was finishing up some writing when an email came through.  It was late, and I had to get up early for work so I almost didn’t read the email.  Thank God that I did!

The subject line of the email said, Description of a Pedophile.”  There might be many of you reading this who will not believe what I’m about to say, but I did not know at that time what a pedophile was.  That word was one that I had never heard.  This was before the time of Jerry Sandusky.

I read the body of the email.  It was a copy and pasted description of a pedophile.  At the bottom was a brief note from I young lady I knew.  It simply said, “I need to talk to you.”

At this point I had no idea what to make of this.  I sat at my desk and read that email at least ten times.  I couldn’t figure out why this young lady emailed me with this description so I sent back an email asking when she wanted to talk.

Her response was quick.  “Now!  I need to talk to you right now!”

It was late, but this sounded urgent.  I asked if she could come to my place and she said she could.  Within minutes we were facing each other.  She looked so tiny and fragile, her breathing was anxious.

“I don’t know how to say this, but I have to say it.  John molested me.  And, I’m watching his behavior with those little girls, and I know he’s molesting them, too.  I can’t let this go on.  I had to tell you.”

She then curled up into a fetal position and began to sob uncontrollably. 

I sat in the chair stunned.  I was in shock.  My head began spinning.  I felt like I was choking.  My body stiffened and my mind was crazy trying to put these thoughts together in a way that made some kind of sense.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.  Please talk to me.”

“He molested me!  Do you understand that?  He molested me and now he’s molesting those girls and I have to do something to stop him!”

What do you do when you’re given information like that out of the blue?  I thought I was going to pass out.  I wished at that moment I could die.  I didn’t want to face this.  Not this!  Not just what I read!  “He molested me!”  This beautiful young lady that I knew just told me that the man I lived with, the man I slept with, the man who was the father of my beautiful children, the man I married,  was a child molester.

I don’t remember much about the next few minutes except I remember hugging this young lady.  I remember pulling her close and holding her tight and saying that I would help her.

I remember falling across my bed and sobbing loud moans as I held this young lady in my arms. 

She spent the night with me — neither of us talking, neither of us sleeping.  When daylight came I said, “We have to tell the police.  I don’t know how to do this.  We’ll have to tell.”

Her eyes were swollen from crying and she looked so afraid.  What a horrible thing for her.  How sad.  My heart broke at that moment.  I really believe that something happened to me in a very literal way — something very real.  I felt it deep inside.  I’ve never felt the same since. My heart broke.   

All of the oddities — the weird behavior, the strange, obsessive pursuit to become a male nanny, the obsession with little girls, the times he was missing for days on end, the controlling behavior.  It was all beginning to make sense — all by one young lady’s statement, “He molested me.”

I didn’t know where to turn or what to do, so after she and I talked I suggested calling my son, Jimmy.  He knew this young lady, too.  I wish I could say I was some super woman full of knowledge and armed and equipped to fight this forthcoming battle, but I felt weaker than I’ve ever felt in my life.  I would rather have crawled in a hole and die than for this to be true.

I asked this young lady if she would feel okay talking to Jimmy and she said she did.  What strength!!!!!  SHE is my hero and she will forever be my hero! 

I made the phone call to Jimmy. “Jimmy, there’s some information that I found out last night that concerns your dad.  I think you need to know this.  Somebody would like to come talk to you.”

“What’s it about?  I’m really busy today.”

“Jimmy, I can’t say over the phone.  Can you please talk to this young lady?”

He agreed to see her that morning. This is a morning that will forever be etched into the heart and mind of my son as the worst, most difficult moment of his life.  His hero, his dad, was not who Jimmy thought he was.

It’s life-crushing to have this type of betrayal. 

This was the end of life as we once knew it.  What was revealed by one very courageous young lady changed the entire course of my family and saved literally hundreds of young children.

This was the beginning of the end of John’s forty-eight years of raping children.

No, he didn’t one day get a guilty conscience and turn himself in.  No, he didn’t ever seek help.  No, he didn’t stop molesting children.  Later on we learned facts that will haunt us for the rest of our days on this earth.

One young lady finding her voice.  That’s all it took to change the entire course of destruction for so many children. 

I know this is hard to read.  My heart bleeds as I write these words.  But, I am praying as I’m writing that if you are a victim of abuse you will find your voice.

How are pedophiles caught?  They’re caught by someone speaking out.  They’re caught when someone finds their voice.  They’re caught when someone says it’s time to stop this person from ever harming another child!

Will you be a voice for the children?  Will you share this message with others?  Please, let’s speak out!  Together we are a unified, strong voice! Please, for the sake of the children, let’s push aside all fear and dig deep and find our courage.  It’s there.  It’s time.  It’s time to put an end to this horrific pain caused to children!

Love,

Clara

Next week I will continue this story and tell about the next step taken in the arrest and conviction of John Hinton, pedophile, child rapist.  A man who caused immeasurable harm to countless children.  I thank God every day for the young woman who found her voice!  God bless her today and always!

If you would like to support the work of Church Protect, visit the website and find  out how you can help.  Thank you for doing your part in helping to save the children!

8 thoughts on “Married to a Pedophile: “How Does a Pedophile Get Caught?”

  1. Clara you say that young lady is your hero. I think you are the hero to many, many people. You have the courage and conviction to tell your story. My sister and myslef have of resent found out that our father is a pedophile. We are both in our 50’s. Talk about turning our world upset down.
    He targets young boys, some being my childhood friends and we belive this happened maybe 30, 35 years back. He was an elder in the church. Normal will never be normal again. He was very distant in our childhood, and today I have a very turbulent relationship with him, to the point I never call him Dad, but by his birth name.
    Having found about this was a huge shock, but suddenly his past behavior makes sense. We not sure how we will address this, but we will confront him about this. Sad as he is now in his late 80’s and we don’t think we can give these victims justice. Thank you for speaking up. Glen.

    • Glen, I shake my head in sorrow for what you’re going through. Isn’t it amazing how the dots all connect once you know what’s been going on? That odd behavior suddenly makes sense, but while we’re living it, nothing makes sense. And, pedophiles know how to work that so that we feel we’re somewhat crazy. I will be praying that you are filled with courage as you face your father. I’m glad you’re not willing to brush this off because of his age. It’s sad to know that he abused children so long ago and they are still carrying those scars. I hope and pray that many of his victims will feel a bit of release and healing when you confront your father. Thank YOU for having the courage to take a stand for what is right and good!

  2. Found out a year ago that my church going father molested young boys He is now in his 80 Feeling totally guttered and confused on what to do now as he is my mothers carer . Just so many questions . So much hurt has been caused to his victims , some who have now come forward after nearly 30 years .Please give me a link to the whole story

    • Susan, This is so sad on a number of levels. I’m so thankful that many of the victims have come forward. It is so empowering to them, I’m sure, to have found their voice. However, for you it’s a different story. Your grief has just begun. What frustrates me is many of the abusers do years and years and years of harm, and when someone finally speaks up, the abuser is old and in a position such as your father — he’s a caregiver to your mother and that leaves you in a difficult position. I would, however, confront him. I couldn’t lay my head down at night knowing that he was off the hook. Child sexual abuse is horrific and the person that causes this horrific pain should be held accountable.

      I’m not sure what link you’re asking for. Can you clarify that? When you do, I’ll send you the information you’ve requested. I’m just not sure what that is until you specify more clearly.

      My thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m so sorry this has happened. :-(

  3. It was the right time for that brave young lady to share her story. It’s amazing that you believed her–never questioning her at all (from what I gathered in your post)…I find THAT to be courageous as well. I think the Lord was looking out for both of you as you experienced a life changing event.

    • Jann, Thank you so much for the validation! I pray that of the thousands who are reading this blog, courage will begin to swell within the hearts of victims of abuse and within those who “know and won’t believe.” I’m praying this prayer with every ounce of strength in me!!! There is no better time to speak out than now!

  4. I know this was just horrible beyond words. But I just want to say how wonderful it was that you immediately believed this young woman. Sadly you hear of victims not being believed too often. That you and your son believed her and went to the police immediately was very brave, as was her reaching out to you.

    • Marsha, In my mind, I cannot fathom why a victim of abuse would lie. Why would he/she put their life in a position of further shame? It was the right thing to believe this young lady. Absolutely the right thing. It breaks my heart when day after day I receive emails from those who have been abused and they say, “I told my mom, but she didn’t listen to me.” Why do most people do this? They don’t want to face public “embarrassment” (shame on them!), and for women — they’re too afraid of losing their safe, secure place with a home and finances from their husbands. When they “don’t believe” they are re-victimizing the child all over again. I’m so discouraged by this!!!!! Yes, this was so hard on my son and myself, BUT to look into the eyes of someone who says, “He molested me” and turn away? God forbid!

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