This blog is used to educate others on how to profile a pedophile. This blog is used to help others understand how cunning pedophiles are. This blog is used to teach prevention of child sexual abuse.
This blog is written by me — a woman who prayed very sincere prayers asking God to lead me to a Christian husband.
I am here to tell you that God did not answer my prayers — not as I asked. Instead of leading me to a godly man of faith and strength, I was led to a man who posed as a Christian.
The man I married, unknown to me, was a practicing pedophile from the age of 14, and he, by his own admission and evidence presented in a court of law, molested children until the time of his arrest at the age of 62. We were married almost 40 years. Tomorrow, April 18, would have been my 45th wedding anniversary. John and I had often talked about how life would be when the kids were grown. We were going to build a smaller home at the top of our field overlooking the homestead. We would spend our winters away at the beach, and the rest of the time we’d spend traveling visiting grandchildren and enjoying the many wonders of the world.
We spent many, many hours together talking about what life would be like during this season of our lives.
Life doesn’t always turn out as planned, though. Sadly, our marriage crumbled, we separated and finally divorced after almost forty years together.
And, then the unthinkable happened!
As John wrote to me in a letter from prison, “I never wanted my darker side to be exposed to you.” He was referencing his secret life as a child molester.
I’m here to tell you on the eve of what would have been my 45th wedding anniversary that even though my prayers were not answered as I wanted them to be, I still honor God. I’ve had my fair share of screaming at God and asking him “why”, but at the end of the day I know that this is the life I have and it’s up to me to make the most of it.
Last week, a child sex abuse workshop was held and it was powerful. I was honored to be a very small part of that workshop that my son Jimmy and some of his co-workers planned. It was powerful. People were educated about how pedophiles are able to work their way into our lives. We heard from law enforcement. We heard from teachers of God’s word. We heard from Jimmy, the son of a pedophile. We heard from the father of children who were molested by John. We heard from those who work within our prison system with sex offenders.
And, we heard just a small part of my story.
Parents are being educated! Children who have been sexually abused are being empowered! We’re teaching others how to prevent child sexual abuse from happening! We’re learning how to keep our children safe!
This is happening because God chose me to marry a pedophile.
No, my prayers for a wonderful, loving Christian husband did not get answered. My children do not have the father I prayed they would have. And, there are moments — many moments — when my heart feels broken over this.
But, because of my marriage 45 years ago tomorrow, many children are being kept safe tonight when they lay their heads down to sleep.
And, I can finally say, “Thank you, God” with sincerity and without clenched fists.
If you are suffering from abuse right now — whether it is from mental abuse, child sexual abuse, or the aftermath of physical, mental, or sexual abuse, I would ask you to read this blog from the beginning. Allow the words to penetrate your heart.
Allow yourself to become empowered one word at a time!
You are a gift. Your life is precious and has meaning and value. Whatever pain and hell you are suffering through right now will not last forever. Please, I ask you, to hold onto hope!
Next week, we will pick up with our regular format, and I will continue telling my story.
For today, I thank all who have sent me words of encouragement on what would have been my 45th wedding anniversary. I’m here to tell you, “It’s okay. It really is okay. I’m okay. In fact, I’m more than okay. I’m finally beginning to see purpose in my life again, and you will, too!”
PS If you sent me an email requesting a DVD of the last week’s workshop, you will be notified soon. Work is being done on editing. If you want to contact me, you can email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org