Married to a Pedophile: Is Rehabilitation Possible?

A few weeks ago, the question was posed on another blog I follow as to whether or not it was possible for pedophiles to be rehabilitated.  That’s a difficult question, but a necessary one for us to think about.  Using the information I’ve gathered from many different sources as well as from my own experience of living almost forty years with a practicing pedophile, I’ve formed an opinion.

The blogger, “Loony” (Erica)  from “Thoughts of a Lunatic” accepted my thoughts to be used as a guest blogger today.  I’d like to share these thoughts with you, also.  Please be sure to visit “Thoughts of a Lunatic” to see what I said as my response to this question about rehabilitation.

I welcome your comments, and ask that you keep them respectful.  I know this can become quite a controversial issue, especially when bringing God and His forgiveness into the picture.  Have you given it much thought?  Can pedophiles be rehabilitated?  If so, to what degree?  When they say, “I’ve been through a counseling program.  I’ll never do this again”, do you believe that’s the truth?  What about when they say, “I’ve been forgiven by God, and I’ll never do this again”?

Can pedophiles be 100% rehabilitated — enough that you would allow a pedophile back into your home living with children, into your church interacting with children, and into your community where there would be interaction with children?  What about the internet?  Can a pedophile be rehabilitated to stay away from child pornography and the triggers that will lead to actions of molestation?  These are hard questions — tough questions, but they need to be addressed.

My blog post later on this week is going to be somewhat different as I’ll be sharing with you excerpts from a letter that John recently sent to me.  I want you to draw your own conclusions.  I think you will be both enlightened and very surprised!

Thanks so much for reading.  I know this isn’t easy reading, but it is necessary reading.

Always, always — we have one goal in mind:  to protect our children!



12 thoughts on “Married to a Pedophile: Is Rehabilitation Possible?

  1. I think it is important to differentiate between true pedophiles and those who are not. Most sex offenders automatically get labeled as pedophiles. I personally have watched as someone I love has completely turned his life around. His life as it was burned to ash and he has rebuilt himself to become the man he should have been all along. Has it been easy? NO! It’s taken horror at his past mistakes and a complete dedication to never again be the kind of person who could commit such terrible acts. He had a single victim who was a teenager. His offence was not violent. He groomed and manipulated a teenage girl until her was able to get away with fondling. Once his crime was discovered and he was able to open up about it and seek help his personal transformation began. I’ve witnessed this change and know that it is sincere. HOWEVER, in all the research I’ve done it’s clear that true pedophiles, those who molest pre-pubescent children are nearly if not impossible to rehabilitate.
    Please don’t assume all offenders are pedophiles. They don’t all deserve to be in the same category.

    • Thanks so much for this comment. I’m sometimes guilty of not using correct terminology — I always try to differentiate between sex offeners and true pedophiles, but I don’t always do that.

      I’m very happy to hear of this change in the person you love and care about. I would warn, however, that it’s vitally important for this person to NEVER allow himself to get into a situation where he begins to “groom” a teenager again. I’m of the belief that once this type of thinking begins in a person, it’s extremely difficult to stop. I hope that he’s forever on guard — forever.

      And, you’re correct in saying that there is not one fact indicating that true pedophiles are ever rehabilitated. Many, many pedophiles with argue this fact, but there is no conclusive data to back up ever one case of rehabilitation.

    • EXACTLY!!!!! While I am totally on board to coming down hard on pedophiles and sharing your story with us (which I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this was to write it all down and relive it!) I have sat on the side of someone who was accused and locked up as a child for what he did to some other children. The top psychologist in the state for sex offenders did an evaluation, and went to court on behalf of this boy saying he was NOT a pedophile and gave several reasons why he had come to that conclusion. This boy had officers in juvenile detention (he was locked up for 6 months waiting for a trial) writing letters on his behalf, and the judge himself could see that was not the case. He even made phone calls from the bench to try to go to bat for this boy! But laws have been written in such a way that judges do not get to make a decision based on the individual circumstances, and this very young man was sent to a juvenile prison – barbed wire, guards, all of it – and given a label of sex offender when released that now follows him until he is 45 years old!!!! He can be cured because he never was one! And the problem is if you try to defend someone like this, you get treated as if you are scum and should be locked up yourself. There are MANY who get that label from the legal system who are NOT Pedophiles! I know of another one personally who at 18 or 19 moved in with his 16 year old girlfriend with the mom’s permission. When he broke up with her, the mom reported him as having sex with a minor, and he ended up in prison for his crime of being a child sex offender and also has his name on the registry and is treated like a pedophile. I know the pedophile situation is very real, and we need to not be so naive, especially in our churches where we are quick to forgive and want to prove our forgiveness by showing trust. We can’t do that! (I have even done a public teaching on this very subject…) but we have to also be aware that there are many out there who are on the SO list that are not your grooming all-out pedophiles….

  2. I personally have not seen any proof that a sO can be rehabilitated. I believe that if someone is truly repentant, they would put such strict boundaries on themselves.
    They would personally never be alone in the bathroom with anyone else, they would not attend gatherings where children were present and they would be reconciled to living a lonely life, knowing that they deserve it. I believe Jesus did not say lightly that a millstone should be hung around a person’s neck and be drowned in the sea, if they offended a little child. I believe it was something that He saw that hurting children was not something you could recover for.

    If I have made a mistake, and these people whom have offended children have truly repented, I am glad I am not the judge of that. God knows all.

Comments are closed.