Pictures. I love to take pictures. I especially love to take pictures of nature — flowers in bloom, the colors of the changing seasons, and special events pictures. Rather than journal with words, I often journal the events of my life with photos.
Pedophiles like to take pictures. Pedophiles love to look at pictures. Pedophiles study pictures of children. Little children. Nude children. Children taking baths. Children going to the bathroom. Children swimming. Children swinging on swings. Children playing dress up. Children just being children.
When I talk about being married almost forty years to a practicing pedophile, I say it with shame. I say those words with horror. I almost always have at least two very bad days of haunting dreams and lots of tears after I write a blog post. Why? Because there is still a part of me that agonizes over the fact that I was duped. I didn’t know the man I was married to for almost four decades! I grieve the fact that this man was so good at deceiving me and others that he got away with molesting children for all of those years!
Have you ever questioned the statistics about how many children are sexually abused? One in five girls and one in every twenty boys have been sexually assaulted in the United States — and this statistic is only for the abuse that has been reported! It’s a fact that due to repression or fear of being hated, ugly, and unloved, most children will never speak out about their childhood sexual abuse.
It’s difficult for me to imagine that so many others have lived a life very similar to mine! I find solace in knowing that I’m not alone, but I also find deep heartbreak knowing that abuse is still happening. It’s impossible for me to put into words how I feel about knowing for a fact that children continue to be sexually molested every day. There are times when I can’t sleep at all because that thought haunts me every minute I’m alive.
The conversation today was actually very deep and solemn and beautiful on many levels. We spoke of all of the pain in this world — especially the pain that comes to little children. We talked about ways we could help take better care of the children in our community. We were both sad that we felt as though we should be doing more, but didn’t know exactly what to do or how to do it.