It’s been a while since I’ve picked up with my story of being married to a practicing pedophile for almost forty years — without knowing it. Just hearing the word pedophile pains me. And, finding out that while I was sharing my heart and soul with the man I vowed to love for all the days of my life, while I was having a family with the man I wanted to be the father to my children, while I was giving my all to my marriage — while I sincerely loved this man — he was molesting children. I cannot put into words how this has changed me. I cannot explain the lack of trust I now have. I cannot adequately choose the right words for the daily pain that has come into my life knowing that this man I loved clearly was causing pain and devastation to so many. Continue reading
I’ve grown to really dislike the words “married to a pedophile” yet the hard, cold truth is that I was married to a man who molested children. I had no clue. I thought he was genuinely kind. I thought he was a follower of God. I thought that he loved children, but my way of loving children and his way of loving children were worlds apart. Continue reading
Writing has been a bit healing for me since my son’s death. Healing because writing is an outlet — a way of releasing some of my heavy grief. Writing is a way for me to feel like I have some value and I just might be able to help someone even in my brokenness.
I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’ve been asking myself the question, “What am I looking for when I feel lost, alone, and without hope?” “What kind of message am I seeking?” I know one thing — I love to hear a person’s voice! Continue reading
Before I even begin to write to you today, I want to say thank you from the depths of my heart for all of the prayers, kind thoughts, and condolences sent to me following the sudden, unexpected death of my son. You have no idea what your expressions of love have meant to me.
Finding out my husband of almost forty years was a practicing pedophile caused literal pain to my heart — the kind of pain that hurts with every breath you take. But, that pain has been nothing when compared to the pain of losing a child. I can’t explain it — I can only say that all other pain I’ve had in my life so far pales in comparison to the daily Continue reading